Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
