I hate your face
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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