She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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