How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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