OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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