Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
