using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
