Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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