Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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