I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
