Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
