So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
