apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
