I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
