I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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