the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
