3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize