I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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