i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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