I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
