Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
