we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
