Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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