I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
