They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I got inside last night via doggy door
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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