i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
