I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
