I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
