was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
