I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize