8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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