Will you blow on my dice?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
50% drunk capacity currently
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
