dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
