oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
