There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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