This house was built for laser tag.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize