I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
