These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
