I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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