Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
