got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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