My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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