i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
