Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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