she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
