We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
