Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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