I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is Oprah even human
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
