im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dick very happy bro
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
