How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
