I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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