he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
