I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
