At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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