The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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