He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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