How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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