If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
