Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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