can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
