I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize