You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
