I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
