you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
