the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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