so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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