My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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