Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
