Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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